Nonviolent Communication

Updated: Sep 28

What is nonviolent communication?

The term nonviolent communication (NVC) can also be used to refer to compassionate communication. In essence, it aims to give us greater abilities to inspire compassion and to act with compassion toward ourselves and towards others. In NVC, we use the power of observation, emotion, need, and request to reframe how we communicate and hear others. A comprehensive collection of insights into human behavior packaged to be relevant in modern times. NVC emphasizes that emotional experiences are a result of unmet or met human needs. Our emotions become positive when we meet our needs, such as joy, delight, confidence, and inspiration. A feeling of annoyance, tension, fatigue, or yearning arises when our needs are not met. Human needs can be classified according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs as physical wellbeing, connection, play, peace, honesty, autonomy, meaning, etc. A basic need is something we all share, rather than something we accomplish. Our emotional responses can be controlled with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which can include hearing our own needs. NVC emphasizes listening deeply, both to ourselves and to others, which helps us to develop compassion. Every human being tries their best to fulfill universal needs and values every moment of the day with language like this.PrPracticing NVC allows people to learn to see their common humanity, allowing them to use their power compassionately and practically for the good of others and themselves. The origin of nonviolent communication. In the 1960s, Marshall Rosenberg developed a new way to resolve conflict based on the work of Carl Rogers and Mahatma Gandhi's nonviolent methods. In 1999, Rosenberg published his book NVC: A language of compassion, later revised as NVC: A language of life (2003). Educators, trainers, and colleagues around the world helped Dr. Rosenberg develop new tools and applications for NVC teaching.  Rosenberg's book was translated into 30 languages and sold more than 1 million copies worldwide when he passed away in 2015. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg said nonviolent communication (NVC) focuses on harmony and compassion in communication. Compassion can be expressed through NVC and its language, according to Rosenberg. He believes that NVC is a way to ensure that we continue to see the things that will most likely produce the results we desire. Communication inspired by compassionate intentions has a different outcome than communication inspired by uncompassionate intentions, and the separate outcomes impact both individuals and societies in a positive and negative way. The use of NVC can transform any relationship, family, school, business, or organization, as well as resolve any disputes, conflicts or disputes of any kind. NVC examples from Rosenberg's writings School-based NVC.

NVC is used by special education teachers in their classrooms. As well as her, her students have learned these skills. In her class, a student consistently displays behavior problems, making the teacher increasingly frustrated. Whenever another student approaches his desk too close, he acts aggressively. Upon being requested to use NVC by the teacher, he says, "Would you be able to move away from my desk?". The other child felt irritated by someone standing so close to him. She discerned his needs by using NVC herself. She has been restrained in her freedom and creativity in the classroom by the amount of time she spends on behavior management. She is able to respond more effectively and compassionately to the student when she has gained this understanding. Applied NVC to medical treatment Communicating with patients using NVC is common among doctors. Her patients include those with severe disabilities, including people who are HIV/AIDS positive. These conditions often lead to the providers of medical care becoming frustrated and resentful. In addition to showing genuine concern, the doctor offers valuable suggestions on how to improve the patient's quality of life using NVC. She expresses gratitude to her patients for showing such interest. As a result, the doctor gains motivation and becomes able to see her patients holistically as individuals whose qualities transcend their diagnoses. Globalization and NVC A Bethlehem refugee camp audience member interrupted Rosenberg's presentation by calling him a "murderer" (after all, he represented the U.S., a supplier of weapons to Israel). Rosenberg listened to the man rather than defending himself. His desire to ensure his children had a clean home, a school for them, and political freedom and autonomy made him understand what others wanted. The listening defused the man's anger. This exchange led to Rosenberg being invited to dinner at the home of the man, seeing Rosenberg not as an "American." The four components of NVC We can utilize the Four Steps (as well as the Four Components of Nonviolent Communication) in order to clarify what we want. When the four steps are followed, contact and understanding are improved. By developing an understanding of NVC's four components, awareness is created. 

Observation Identifying facts from observations and interpretations is the first step towards understanding the situation. The situation (what was done or said) or your own version of what happened. The purpose of naming observations is to create a shared understanding. You will have a greater chance of connecting with someone if you become a good observer instead of defending yourself or running away. If you discuss your interpretations and judgments, it's easy to hear blame and criticism, which is what we want to avoid. Many people struggle to distinguish between logical observations and moral judgments, but learning how to make this distinction will ensure your message is understood. Be sure to describe what you see, hear, touch, feel, smell, and taste.  Time and context should be specified. Be careful not to confuse observations with evaluations. Example- The NVC focuses on observing without judgment. A clear, understandable presentation of our observations is essential. Rather than saying, "You usually don't listen to what I say," use the phrase "I noticed you were on your phone today.". Feelings Define the feelings we experience, the sensations we feel in our bodies, associated with the described scenario. After something happens, we are beginning to feel something. We have this feeling because unmet (or met) needs compel us to feel this way. Understanding the underlying needs is possible through feelings. Words commonly used for expressing feelings can help express thoughts more effectively.  Considering what we feel others think or do or evaluating ourselves are two of these notions.   The NVC gives four options for dealing with negative feedback. Let us use the criticism "You're so selfish" to illustrate these options: You might think: "I'm very selfish”. Defend yourself with: “I am not selfish; you are”. Making connections between their needs and their feelings enables them to create a more compassionate relationship. When you accuse me of being selfish, I am hurt, since I am trying to take your preferences into consideration." "Are you feeling hurt because you don't get enough consideration for your preferences?”. By responding in this manner, the other person has a chance to communicate their needs. Needs With NVC, a connection is drawn between feelings and unmet needs of individuals. There are certain needs that are universal to all human beings. A feeling of anger or frustration is an indicator of unmet needs, such as love or acceptance. Our feelings are influenced by our needs. We enjoy feelings when we have our needs met. As a result of feelings of unfulfilled needs, we may choose actions that will hopefully help us fulfill them. To satisfy a particular need you must distinguish needs from strategies. We all need the same things no matter our age, gender, race or culture. In contrast, strategies carry specific information, such as: "what, who, when, and where". Examples: - Creativity is needed We have devised strategies to meet the need for creativity, such as painting our own pictures, cooking dinner with vegetables bought at the market, and devising exercises for our workshops.  Request The fourth step consists of clarifying how your needs will be met. By asking them to do something, instead of trying to figure it out yourself. As a result, you are more likely to get what you desire. It is necessary to communicate clearly with others in order to connect with them compassionately.  If we do not know what we want from another person and may be harboring disconnected thoughts about ourselves or others such as wrongness, judgment or criticism, it is highly unlikely that we will be able to connect with our needs. 

Examples: An unclear request: "Have you considered respecting me more?"” An expression of what you don't want: "Can you stop wandering around the table?"” The request is actually quite difficult: “Can I always have breakfast at bedtime?” The demand: "Do it right away or else you will regret not doing it." Specific requests: "I'd like to discuss our relationship. Will you please look at me?” and “How do you understand what I've said?” Observing, feeling, expressing, and understanding what we see will help us understand our feelings, our emotions, our sentiments, as well as what we wish others and ourselves to do. From now on, we won't need to use judgment, blame, or dominance language. Contributing to our fellow humans' wellbeing is deeply rewarding. You can take advantage of NVC's trainings, resources, and community. 

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